fandom meme thing done for Harry Potter
No, I am not dead. Just busy with RL.
1. The first character I first fell in love with:
Gilderoy Lockhart. I was a very casual fan of the books until about the time Order of the Phoenix came out. Then I revisited the glory that is Goldilocks. I see so much potential in this character which writers rarely recognize. I mean, seriously, folks. The man wrote over seven books of purely stolen material without anyone being the wiser. Sure, a lot of people (mostly men
and lesbians) thought he was making it up, but no one could ever prove he'd ripped off countless talented wizards for his material. Getting that close to some very smart and crafty wizards and witches takes not only
ganas, it takes wit and cunning. Further, no one ever found him out by, you know, owling a town like Waga-Waga, Australia and asking "Hey. Did this Lockhart guy, like, actually handle your werewolf problem, or is he talking out of his ass?" Which either means the entire wizarding world is too damn trusting (it's not) or that, ahem,
no one in Waga-Waga or any other town remembered that someone else had handled the problem. This either means that Gilderoy went after only isolated wizards and witches who had done things no one remembered (in which case, why bother?) or he obliviated entire towns to make sure they kept his secret.
Call Gildy smarmy, call him dense, call him awkward and pathologically narcissistic but do not call him incompetent. He knows what he does best and he exploits it...like a few other Slytherins I could mention (as Gilderoy wears bright green to the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch match, I've always considered him to be in Salazar's house).
I'll stop frothing at the mouth, now.
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:
Cornelius Fudge. I'm not even sure you could legitimately call my feelings for him "love". Still, I really disliked him from the moment he began behaving like a twit in Goblet of Fire...no, actually before. In Prisoner of Azkaban, when it became abundantly clear that he stocked Azkaban with Dementors and allowed them to do terrible things to the inmates (as much as I also love Dementors, that's going way too far). But then I thought of him having a romance with Dolores Umbridge and suddenly I felt more kindly disposed towards the old bastard. Now I afford him the same grudging respect I give to dogs who sniff my crotch and bark at all hours.
3. The character everyone else loves that I don't: Sirius Black. Fifteen year-old trapped in a thirty-five year-old man's body. Hello, guy? We get that you went to Azkaban and missed out on maturing like a normal person. But in war time, when the most important person in your life is in trouble? You have got to suck it up and behave responsibly. In other words, don't go wandering around looking for a piss fight because you're "zomg soooo bored!!111one".
As for fan grrlz and bois who totally excuse Sirius' behavior towards Snape on the grounds of "it's not hazing/sexual harrassment if the victim isn't cute and likeable"? or "It wasn't really bullying if the victim is an equal (whatever the fuck that means)" or, inexplicably, "You're just defending Snape because you were a victim of bullying!" (since when is justice predicated on personal experience or lack thereof?) make me LOLLERCAUST. And also want to smack something. Whatever, kids.
The Malfoys also fit into this camp, though I did feel sorry for Narcissa in the last book. I don't get their appeal.
4. The character I love that everyone else hates:
There are several: Rita Skeeter (though she seems to have gotten a fan following after Miranda Richardson tarted her up, gold teeth and all, in the new film), Cornelius Fudge, Igor Karkaroff (though, again, a sexy Eastern European actor seems to have given him a fan following), Quirinus Quirrel (though he's really more ignored for being a cypher than hated), Argus Filch (anyone who likes kitties is a little okay in my book), Daedalus Diggle (more ignored than disliked, again) Gilderoy Lockhart and Horace Slughorn. Basically if they're disliked, I'll probably love them.
However, I am an unapologetic Dolores Umbridge fangirl in a fandom that seems to universally dispise her...and for good reason. She's every anagram of vile you can make (except maybe for "live" because that kind of goes without saying). She's a predator, a child abuser, and possibly a murderer.
I think she's a sexy old bird.
I am acutely aware of how incredibly wrong and disturbing this is.
I also adore pairing her with Gilderoy Lockhart, Cornelius Fudge and Rita Skeeter.
I am possibly fandom's worst nightmare realized.
5. The character I used to love but don't any longer:
Sirius fucking Black. Please see the above rant.
6. The character I would shag anytime:
Dolores Umbridge.
Yes, I am in therapy.
7. The character I'd want to be like:
Albus Dumbledore. Hey, who'd say no to being kind, trusting and compassionate yet strong, powerful, independent, cunning and a little omnipotent (what is that like being a little dead or a little pregnant? You know what I mean.)
8. The character I'd slap:
Sirius Black, the Malfoys and, yes, Cornelius Fudge.
9. A pairing that I love:
Lockhart/ just about anyone, but especially Lockhart/Skeeter, Lockhart/Snape, Lockhart/Slughorn (otp!) and Lockhart/Umbridge.
I'm also partial to throwing Snape in the following situations: Snape/Harry (this may be another of my OTPs and ONLY when Harry's of age. Chan squicks me big time.), Snape/Lupin, Snape/Pettigrew (after book six of course ;), Snape/Voldemort, Snape/Dumbledore, Snape/Trelawney, Snape/Moody and Snape/Lily Evans.
My favorite het ship is definitely Tonks/Moody. I was a bit sad when this didn't become canon.
Seriously, put Snape with just about anyone of age and I'm happy.
10. A pairing that I despise:
Mostly anything involving graphic sex between minors or a minor and an adult (I don't mind fics involving younger people when they're aged up, or set in Half-Blood Prince or beyond. Before that and I get a little sick). I've been of age for several years and I'm very much not attracted to teenagers. These stories do nothing for me and disturb me greatly.
PG or PG-13 fics involving minors are fine, however. It's the pr0nography that gets me.
I also really don't get Sirius/Lupin. Sometimes a hug is just a hug, and I got no romantic vibes from them at any time in book 3. It also seems to me that if Sirius liked any of his friends, it was James. He seems a bit more than obsessed with his former friend's memory, after all.
I wouldn't have minded Lupin/Tonks at all, but the pairing kind of came out of nowhere for me and really made Tonks mopey in the process. Yes, yes. I know. She's a young woman (actually she's about my age) with a very stressful job trying to handle the grief of losing a dear cousin. I get that. And I still think the romance was hasty and kind of poorly-written.
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